It’s been a minute since I’ve blogged and a lot of changes have happened in my life.  So many that it’ll take lots of blogs to blog about!! LOL.. Well the most significant change in my life was the loss of my Father.  As you all that follow me know, my Daddy was sick for quite a few years.  He was diabetic, on dialysis, and had congestive heart failure which ultimately lead to his transition on Nov. 3rd of 2017.  That day was one of the most confusing days of my life.  You know we always think we are “prepared” for death, especially when someone is sick, and they have told you that they are ready to go.  Well it’s easier said than done.  I haven’t shared this story, but as a part of my healing, I have to let go of a few things…

That day.. I had been with Daddy at the hospital all week, sleeping on the couch and he was acting out, “as he did” with the nurses. But he was in a different space this time.  He went back to his younger days.  He flirted, he talked junk, he even tried to dance a few times.  And while they call me the “Paparazzi” I was capturing ALL those moments on video, not knowing they would be the last moments of laughter.  Well Daddy ended up getting an infection and I had to sleep in the gown and mask, and all the covering, for his protection.  I did it for one night, and woke up looking like I could peel it off from sweating like crazy in it!! Well the next day, Daddy told me to go to my Son’s house and sleep, and just come back that morning instead of sleeping in that gown.  Crazy how he asked me to leave after I had been there like 5 nights.. Well I left and we got that call about 4am, saying he had went into cardiac arrest during the night, and he was now in ICU and we needed to get there.

Well we got there.. Me, my sister, and the immediate family.  There Doctors words.. I’ll never forget.. “We have 413 patients in this hospital and Mr. Crawford is the sickest one here.  He needs surgery on his heart to survive, but because of all his other chronic health problems, he may not survive the surgery.  You all need to make a decision asap, like before I leave the room whether we do surgery, or we just keep him comfortable.”  And just like that, we had to let go of the man who had taken care of us for all of our lives. We had to keep comfortable the man who raised 4 children after our Mom died and  did what he “knew” how to do.  As a Widowed Dad, he had his challenges, but he did all he knew to do, to make sure we had what we needed.  Then you have these words, keep him comfortable, which means, give him meds and let him die without pain. (in real talk).

That hit us like a ton of bricks in our chest.  We already knew what Daddy told us, and the decision was pretty much already known, but just speaking it was like casting a death sentence we didn’t want to do.  But we had to do it.  Then I spent time with Daddy and let him know we mad the decision.  He wasn’t coherent, but I know he heard me. I had that long talk with him and said my Goodbye before we did anything,  We all had our time with him to say what we needed to say.

Then came the moment… that moment when we all gathered together before they started shutting off the machines.  I told him, how proud we were of him, and how he had been a great Dad, and had raised amazing children, and how much we loved him.  I told him that we would be ok.  All of a sudden, the machines started beeping and making sounds and going crazy!!! I thought the nurses had turned them off, but they said they hadn’t touched the machines.  They said he could hear me and he was releasing his life and that’s what was happening.  Well after we all said our final goodbyes, the Chaplain asked if he could say a prayer, and he said the 23rd Psalm.  I put my hand on Daddy’s heart, and the Chaplain put his hand over my hand. The Chaplain said the 23rd Psalm, and when he finished, I said, may GOD bless your soul Daddy.  Then the nurse walked in immediately and said, his heart just stopped.  And just like that.. HE- WAS- GONE.

The look of peace was on his face, and the breathing machine was still on, so it seemed as if he was still breathing.  He wasn’t cold, but he was peaceful.  He had been so sick and now it was all over.  As I write this and the tears roll, I know that he’s saying it’s ok, because I was tired.  He did what he was sent here to do, and his job was over.

Life is a job.  GOD puts us here for a purpose, and once we fulfill the purpose HE has for us, then HE brings us back to HIM.  No death is easy on who you leave behind, but it’s the ultimate trip for the one who’s leaving.  The way to even feel better is to think of the life they are now living pain-free with the ancestors, who are watching over you, and waiting for you to complete your task and join them.

Welcome back to “my blogs” and thanks for being a part of the “The Real Mommie Teresa”.  There’s so much more to come and so much I have to share. Please stay tuned, and I love you all with all that’s in me, like a real Mommie..

Love and Hugs,

The Real Mommie Teresa