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The Real Mommie Teresa

~ The truth about life from a Real Mom with a Real Prospective…

The Real Mommie Teresa

Tag Archives: God

Embracing Positivity After Loss: My Journey

30 Sunday Nov 2025

Posted by Teresa in Life

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blessing, children, death, faith, family, God, grief, happiness, life, Love, mental-health, Prayer

So it’s been a while since I’ve had something positive to say! Like my Bigma said, “If you ain’t got nothing good to say, don’t say nothing at all!” I went with the “don’t say nothing at all part”. Why? There was so much grief in my life. As soon as I thought I was back to me, another loss happened. That last one took some of my soul away! Why? It wasn’t just the loss. It was everything that came with it. I had to recover, readjust, realign, and release all those things! I’ve done all of that. Now I can remember who I am. I know whose I am and understand the purpose GOD has for my life. It’s not about dwelling on the negative. It’s about promoting and embracing the positives. This will make me better and everyone linked to me. So I’m back for the better!

I spent the Thanksgiving holiday with my middle son, Tyrell, his wife, Lanie, and my grandbabies, Charlie and Alex. My other Grandbaby, Halana, also came over, and she even cooked some of the food! That’s growing up! Ty was my sous chef, and he learned some of the recipes that were handed down through the generations. Christina was in NJ with her new Fiancé! Oh yeah, a lot has happened since I’ve been gone. She met the love of her life, and he put that ring on it. LOL I’ll write about it soon. RC was working as usual and didn’t make it. But that’s another story for later. What was important was that I was THANKFUL! I was truly happy spending almost 6 days at the house with the grands, and I didn’t even leave! Enjoying genuine love from the seeds that I created. Waking up every morning to Grandmaaaaaa was heart-warming, and I loved every minute of it. There were so many tasks on my list. I needed to do them, but they didn’t get done. I know I’ll be very busy once I’m back in Florida, trying to get caught up!

This is what brought me back to myself! GOD put us here for a reason. We never know what our purpose is, and if we do discover it, that’s a blessing. I’m still not sure about mine. All I know is that I love my kids, my grandkids, and life, and all that it has to offer. Many people I had to cut off in life. They weren’t making life better. Instead, they caused grief and pain. Once you reach a certain age, your circle gets so small that you can count it on one hand. In my life, I have done so much for so many people and never gotten anything in return. Not that I was ever looking for something, but respect, and they don’t even give you that. But I gladly cut off my losses. When someone looks back and sees all the things I’ve done, it feels good. It validates my effort to make their life better. It shows that I did ok. But when I can’t see a thing they provided to my life, it’s a sign. It’s time to move on without them. (Take that as a lesson) It’s okay to walk away from what or who doesn’t deserve you in their life. God will replace them so fast, you won’t even miss them!

This week has shown me an important lesson. Life is to be lived with the most important people in your life. It is to be shared with them too. As I age gracefully, I have no intentions of dealing with anything or anyone that brings stress to my life. Being over 60 means every morning, your cup is full. You drink it till it’s empty. Then you fill it up again tomorrow because you may not have as many tomorrows as you had yesterday! So I fill my cup with love and laughter. It overflows with happiness. I fill it with the people who make my day better than it was yesterday. I’m back to me, and with more of me, I can give more to you! So look for me to spread all this love I still have to the ones that deserve it! Let me enjoy this holiday season with all this love I have to share!

The “Real Mommie Teresa”

Always and Forever

24 Saturday Feb 2024

Posted by Teresa in Life

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faith, family, God, grief, Growth. wisdom, happiness, joy, life, Love, peace, poem, poetry, positivity, Prayer, trust

Hi, y’all, I know it’s been a while since I’ve blogged, and I feel I have so much to say, that I haven’t said it yet. I looked at my blog, and I could see my life digressed when it actually progressed. It’s almost like I wrote the least when I needed to write the most. I let depression and loneliness manifest inside of me instead of writing and releasing it. My thoughts all lived in my heart and my head, but I didn’t let them escape. Maybe it’s time to let them escape so I can keep life moving forward. When you lose something so close to you, it takes so much out of you. It drains love from the heart, but blood still runs strong through the heart, which reminds you that there’s still so much blood and love left to give. But it also limits who you share it with because you don’t want that pain again, and you have to protect the peace you have at all costs. You get a sense of peace for the loved ones gone, and you have to be careful who you let into your space that can take that peace you found away.

While doing my Saturday morning chores and listening to my old-school music, I now listen more to words, than music, and understand what we missed back in the day by listening, but not really hearing. Always and Forever by Heatwave came on, and I just stopped and listened; these are the lyrics:

Always and forever, each moment with you

It is just like a dream to me that somehow came true

And I know tomorrow will still be the same

‘Cause we’ve got a life of love that won’t ever change and

Everyday, love me your own special way

Melt all my heart away with a smile

Take time to tell me, you really care

And we’ll share tomorrow, together

I’ll always love you forever, forever

There’ll always be sunshine when I look at you

It’s something I can’t explain, just the things that you do

And if you get lonely, phone me and take

A second to give to me that magic you make and

Everyday, love me your own special way

Melt all my heart away with a smile

Take time to tell me, you really care

And we’ll share tomorrow, together

I’ll always love you ever, ever

Always forever love you

Always forever love you

Always forever love you

Always forever love you

This took me backward and forward at the same time. Always and forever is the love I shared with the people closest to me that I lost. Always and forever, they will be with me, the dreams I had with them, and for them will last always and forever. When I always thought tomorrow would be different, I realized tomorrow would be the same because, with a life of love, it won’t ever change. It’ll change because they aren’t there in the flesh, but they are always there in the spirit. There will always be sunshine when I look at you.. and they show themselves in the clouds with the sun. My heart still melts with the smiles they left me, always and forever will be the same. I thank GOD for the signs that HE shows me to make me feel better. I lost, I loved, and I will always love. I have to choose who to give my love to because each loss breaks the heart a little, but the love you put back strengthens it every time. Now it’s funny as I finish this blog, Luther Vandross comes on saying, ‘It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright now.” I take this also as a sign. To get back to blogging and releasing. Someone else needs what I share, they are going through or know what I’ve experienced. Writing makes me happy, so now I focus on happiness and recovery. The mask is slowly coming off and always and forever life improves.

See ya soon,

The Real Mommie Teresa

What is “Your” Purpose?

11 Monday Jul 2016

Posted by Teresa in Faith, Happy, Life, Mothers, Uncategorized, Uplifting

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Tags

ambition, children, dreams, faith, family, goals, God, growth, happiness, laugh, live, Love, purpose, reality

Lately I’ve had to ask myself over and over again.. what is my dream for me? And I can’t seem to come up with an answer.  Does anyone else feel that way?  Do you all realize that our dreams were for our children?  Our dreams were for the future of our children and we never made dreams for ourselves.  My whole life revolved around making their dreams come true.  Not once did I ever dream of what I wanted.  Now that I’m in a position to truly try to live my dreams, I don’t know what they are.  The dreams that I had, aren’t as meaningful now because the kids are adults, and the things I wished for them, are almost complete.  So now I’m on a “make a dream list” for me.  And I think you all should think of that too.  Think of what it is you would dream of for yourself.  Write it down, and then you’ll have a goal to work toward.  We have to live life for more than working for the pleasure of others.  I know I’m a fine one to talk, because that’s what makes me happy, but it doesn’t complete me.  So all my Baby Boomers.. we are over the 50 mark, and we have to live out our dreams now!  What’s your dream?

Love and Hugs,

“The Real Mommie Teresa”

Don’t Give Santa All Your Money..

02 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by Teresa in Babies, Christmas, Faith, Holidays, Jobs, Life, mothers, Uncategorized

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children, Christmas, faith, family, finance, God, Love, money, mother, Santa, Toys

Santa WalletWell it’s that time of year again.  Time for the parents to go broke to get the kids all these toys that they want from the TV commercials! Well I’ve been through that over 25 times (until they finished college) and I have some advice that could save you lots of money and heartache dealing with the children.  If your kids are adults, you’ll understand!

First of all, the kids need a limit of toys.  I know we want them to have more than what we had, but really.. we had maybe 2 toys!  So 3 toys would be more than what we had!  If you tell your kids they can get 5 toys, then you’ll see what’s really important to them.  That’s what you focus on.  Anything else would be a bonus.  How many times have they opened a gift and played with it once.  But stayed on the playstation for 10 days!  Not looking at anything else.  Stop wasting money on all those little things they don’t care about.  It’s more for the parents than the kids.

Be honest with them if your funds can’t get everything they want.  I know a lot of parents struggle everyday.  And you wonder how you will get the kids the gifts they want.  Kids ask for it because they think you can afford it!  If you be honest with your kids before Christmas and let them know that you can’t afford certain items, (if you raised them right) they will understand and their expectations won’t be so big.  Then if you are able to get more, its a bonus.  I remember one year I really couldn’t afford to get them  a  lot, but they ALWAYS had great Christmases.  They were incredibly understanding which blew me away.  But after Christmas, once bills were paid, I splurged on them, because they understood.

In short, Christmas has been commercialized and marketed to make kids think its about the toys and the gifts when it’s really not.  It’s about the birth of our Lord and Savior.  It’s about giving to the needy, and it’s about rejoicing.  If your kids seem ungrateful, take them to any homeless shelter and let them see how excited those kids are who only get one toy!  We as parents are the culprits. We are the ones who spoil our kids with “things” and they don’t get the true meaning until the “things” aren’t involved.  So this year, don’t go broke on one day.  Babies won’t even know it’s Christmas new Moms.  They already have lots of toys they never play with.  lol.. But I know it’s hard to not buy them everything.  But that’s for you.. not them, because they don’t know.

Cherish the day, and let the kids know the true meaning of Christmas.  And if you can do something for a child who has nothing, ask your child to give away one toy to a child who won’t get anything. They will certainly understand the true meaning and the value of Christmas if they do.

Hugs & Kisses

The Real Mommie Teresa

A True Benefit of a Mother… Did you realize what you did??

16 Tuesday Dec 2014

Posted by Teresa in Babies, mothers, pregnancy

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abortion, babies, baby boy, baby girl, being pregnant, blessing, children, embryo, faith, family, giving birth, giving life, God, having a baby, Love, loving a child, Prayer, pregnancy

I'm not the creator of this photo...

I’m not the creator of this photo…

As I was talking to Christina the other day about people being around you all the time, it crossed my mind the role of a Mother. We as Moms really never think of what it really means to be a mother, but here’s some food for thought to every Mother.
As a Mother, you actually create a life. You watch and feel that life grow inside your body, and you begin to love that child before they even enter this world. As far as the child, that child literally turns into a human inside of you. They develop arms, legs, lungs, and a heart. They go from a fetus to a human right inside your body. They get to know your inside because it’s their home. As my son said in a poem, “I am one of 3 who has seen your soul. I slept to your heartbeat.” How deep is that? Have you really thought about your child has seen inside your body? They have actually laid next to your heart. They felt when your heart was going fast, and when it was going slow. They knew if something was wrong, by knowing your heart. They have actually seen your soul.
Then one day, it’s time to bring that child into the world. With that, your body is the only thing a child knows. They know you from the inside, and they finally get to see your face. The sound they have heard for 9 months, they can now put a face to it. I know we can all remember that first time we looked into our child’s face, but think of how that child felt then they saw our face for the first time. When they finally got a chance to get a kiss from you and be held in your arms. Then you answer to their every call and cry. You carry them wherever they need to go, you feed them when they are hungry, you change them when they can’t tell you they are wet. You basically become their world. They can’t do anything without you, and you get to a point that you can’t do anything without them. They now become your life.
Then they begin to talk and walk. They begin to tell you they love you. They kiss you, and they show you how much they appreciate you. But you begin to mold them into who they will become in life. That’s a tough job. Just think, this small fetus, that was once in your womb, is now growing up, and it’s your responsibility to assist them and encourage them to become a successful adult. It’s everything you do and teach them to do, that will make them who they are. It’s your job to make sure you teach them to be a respectful person in society, and to make the best out of life.
So it almost seems like you are a God to your child right? But think of how we were created by God. God gave us a gift that we don’t even recognize. That’s the gift to give life. That’s the gift to create, mold, and shape a person into who they will be. When you think of it, it’s a big responsibility because you might not do it right and mess up your child’s life! Are there rules? Nope. Can you master it? Nope. Do you know how they will turn out? Nope. But all you can do is be Mom. Give them the love, the attention, the knowledge they need to learn, and the will to succeed. We all won’t get it right, but we go the major part of it done, by carrying them in our bodies, and making sure we let them see our souls. There is nothing better than being a Mom. There’s no gift anyone can give you that can mean more than birthing a child. So this holiday season, think a little deeper than what a gift means. Think of the person that saw your soul, and slept to your heartbeat. Think of that child that you gave life, and the child that needed your life to live.
And if that doesn’t’ sink in, think of how God gave up HIS only child… For You.

RE: A Message Today

07 Sunday Dec 2014

Posted by Teresa in Uncategorized

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abuse, blessing, children, church, confidence, divorce, drug abuse, faith, family, fear, freedom, future, God, happiness, Holy Spirit, life, marriage, money, Prayer

I visited a church here in Charlotte today and the Preacher spoke from Psalm 145.  A song of praise of David. (Ironically my lil Cousin David got baptized in Ga today also, congrats David!!).  Well he talked about a divine comeback.  And I’m just reiterating in short-term what I think we all need to hear.  We all pray, and we ask God for what we want.  We wait to see what God says, but most of the time, we don’t hear the answer because it’s not what we want it to be.  When you pray, and listen, then you can hear where God will lead you, but when you pray, and you think that God is giving you what you want, then you really don’t hear Him, you just assume that He will give you what you pray for.  God sometimes says NO.  When He says no, you don’t hear that.  You go out and make that mistake and then you want forgiveness.

When God leads you to unknown territory, He has a purpose for you.  Even though you may not agree, or you may not know what the outcome will be, He does.  When He removes people, cars, money, jewelry, friends, or anything from your life, He’s getting you ready for what HE has for you.  If God ask you to give up all your riches, would you?  If HE did, it would be because He has something greater for you.  I truly believe that.  God will take ALL you have, break you down to nothing, and test your faith.  If you can worship and praise HIM when you have nothing, then He will give you everything.  I know my faith has been challenged, but I believe in HIM and I know that  where He leads me, I will go.  Once you get that understanding of who HE is, and the true power HE has, then you will understand His word, and His works.

So in closing the Preacher said to say goodbye to all the things that are holding you back from your blessings.  Goodbye bad relationships, goodbye abusive relationships, goodbye to abusive behavior, goodbye to struggling, goodbye to being broke, goodbye to anything causing harm.  And stop introducing yourself as who you used to be, such as, I’m a divorcee, I’m a recovering addict, I’m a felon, I’m a struggle mother.  Introduce yourself as who you are now, not who you used to be.  Let the past be the past.  He brought you through it to make you better, not to relive that situation over and over again.   Just as I needed to hear this and I definitely live by this, I wanted to share it with you all.

So be blessed,

LOVE, HUGS AND KISSES

“The Real Mommie Teresa

Celebrate your Children

25 Tuesday Nov 2014

Posted by Teresa in Uncategorized

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Account Executives, blessing, children, church, confidence, death, faith, family, fear, ferguson, God, happiness, hope, justice, life, murder, new york, ohio, Prayer, radio, wbls

IMG_3782.PNGIn the midst of the verdict last night, it saddened me to know that there was not enough evidence to even ACCUSE that cop of killing a child. A child is dead, is that not evidence? A judge and jury should make that determination. I just feel so sorry for any parent that has to go through losing a child by any means.

After watching the verdict and with so much emotion, my Baby Girl and I had a FaceTime date. With her being in NY and me here in CLT, it’s hard to celebrate special occasions. But a Mom will find a way! Christina said this year she was going to be “Fearless”! And fearless she is. She started her new position at WBLS and she’s doing an amazing job!! Landed her account from start to finish by being “Christina”! I salute you today Baby Girl! On our FT date, we shared a toast and I was the toaster! As I told her how proud I was of her, I watched the tears roll down her cheeks. I know they were tears of fulfillment for being fearless, accomplishment for doing a job well, pride, for making MOMMIE proud, and hurt for what we had just witnessed on TV.

With all the emotions going on between the both of us, point is..celebrate the life your child leads!! Celebrate everything! Our children need us. If they are 3 or 33 or 53. Let them know you are proud, give them encouragement. Be their biggest fan. And when you do all you can, you just stand. Stand and watch the tears of joy you and them will shed for life.
Don’t let a moment pass where they don’t feel you appreciate the things they do!!

And kids, remember…everything you do, every action, every thought, your parents worry about. We want to keep you safe, we want you to go home every night, we want you to grow up and give us Grandchildren, and most of all, we want to see you alive and living!! I celebrate today as some parents grieve. And parents, always know, that we can easily be doing either. Just love your children, support them and do all you can for them. It never goes unappreciated!!
Have a blessed day!!!
Love and Hugs
“The Real Mommie Teresa”

Who’s Loving You?

23 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by Teresa in Uncategorized

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Atlanta, blessing, breakups, children, confidence, faith, family, fear, finding love, fun, gifts of life, God, God cares, God's plan, God's Purpose, healing from hurt, leaving friends, live, live love laugh, Love, loving life, relocate, removing people, revalation, so called friends, starting over, trust God, who really cares

IMG_3751-1.JPGHello Everyone!! I’ve missed y’all and I hope you all have missed me too! Well there’s been so many things going on in my life and so many changes every day! I’m going to update you all, but it’ll have to be in a few blogs.. Don’t want to write the book, but I probably could with the whirlwind that goes on in my life! But as I was meditating this morning, I had a revelation that I had to share. I know God shows me things that HE wants me to share, and that’s why HE gave me the gift of communication.

This morning as I was having breakfast, I was just reminiscing on where I’ve been in life and all that i’ve been through. I looked through my old pictures, and I looked at my new pictures. There was a big difference in my old and new pictures. The big difference was that in my old pictures, they were full of friends, family, house parties I had, events I planned. In my new pictures, it was only me. Then I realized what God was saying to me. HE was letting me know that now I live for me and Him. I thought my life was full when I made everyone else happy. I went out of my way to make sure anyone around me was happy. I threw the best parties, I had the best Sunday dinners, I did everything extra to make everyone else happy. If anyone needed me, I was there in a heartbeat! I gave all of me to everyone accept me. When I moved to Charlotte, I was lonely because I was missing my friends and my family. I didn’t have all those people around me everyday to make “them” happy. I questioned God when I got here as to why HE was sending me here all alone. Everytime I had a small doubt that something wouldn’t work it, it did, and in a big way! It was like God was making sure everything went perfect to keep me here. So finally I got used to being alone, then I discovered who I was. I realized I liked serenity. I like peace and quiet. I like cooking for “me”. I like taking me out, and doing what I like to do. So today, I had as Oprah would say, “an a-ha moment.”

Today I realized that God moved me away from everyone, because He knew that I would never leave my friends and family. He knew that when anyone called and needed me, I’d stop doing everything I wanted to do, to make sure they were ok. He knew I wouldn’t take care of me, for taking care of everyone else. So HE knew that HE had to remove me from the equation so HE could give me what I deserved and what HE had in store for me. God had to move me, to get all the people out of my life that were hindering me from receiving HIS blessings. The people that I cared so much for, HE showed me that they were never about me, it was about what I was to them. So when I had nothing to offer them, they were gone. It’s a little tough when you realize that you’ve spent so much of your life taking care of everyone, being everything to everybody, then you discover you really didn’t have anybody. The people that remained true are the ones that God wants you to focus your attention on. I know we all suffer with trying to take care of everyone, but what are you doing to yourself? Who’s loving you?

So today I know who I am! It took me 50 years to learn and discover this. I know God has so much in store for me now that I can see HiM and I have the time to give HIM all of me! He removed the distractions from my life. The ones HE didn’t remove, HE opened my eyes to realize they weren’t in my corner, or they didn’t care about me, and they weren’t going in the direction HE was guiding me. I say this to let someone know, that it’s ok for people to be removed from your life. God has to remove them so you can be ready for what HE is about to do for you. If you aren’t ready for something, God will not give it to you. If you have people in your life that will hinder you from receiving God’s blessings, HE will remove them. Once you are free from the bondage of the so-called friends, you will see the friends and family that was, and always will be there for you. And in my heart, I still love everyone who crossed my path. Even if God removed them, I truly love people from the heart, and I’m sure they all knew that. I may cut them from my life, but I know I will always hold a piece of them because they were once important to me, and that you can’t lose. It’s ok, to still care about them, but also know they weren’t meant to go where you are going.

Why do I share this? Because being the “Real Mommie Teresa” I want to give this to you all before you get old, waste a lot of time trying to please other people while neglecting yourself. Once my children were grown, that’s when I should have started living for me. But it’s really hard to take care of “you”, when all your life, you’ve been the nurturer. Discover who you are, take some time away from everyone to see who really matters. Stop being the Go To person. Ask God what it is HE has for you, and if you are ready, He’ll show you. So who’s loving me? I AM, and I love loving me!

I’M BACK!!!
Hugs and Love
“THE REAL MOMMIE TERESA”

The Real Mommie Teresa is back!!!

11 Wednesday Jun 2014

Posted by Teresa in Uncategorized

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birthday, blessing, children, faith, family, future, God, happiness, Health, life, Love, motherhood, Prayer, Relationships, turning 50

50th CelebrationHello everyone!! Sorry I’ve been MIA for a minute, but I had to regroup and get this computer back on-line. Blogging on an iPad and iPhone..blah blah.. Well I’m back!!

So what’s new in my life? I’ve reached the Big 50 in my life and it’s amazing so far! I had the most amazing 50th Birthday party in Montego Bay, Jamaica, and 17 of my closest friends and family attended. The trip was not only a party, it was a reflection of life. It was a chance for everyone to reflect on where we’ve been, what we’ve been through, and possibly, where life will take us.

As a Mother, I’ve had struggles in life, but I never looked at them as struggles, I just did what I needed to do, to make sure my kids had everything they needed. I never looked at it as a burden because it wasn’t, it was survival. Not only did I want them to survive, I wanted them to be better, stronger, wiser. I wanted them to be high achievers, never quitting, and never giving up. I wanted them to always be grounded. Don’t ever think you are above or better than anyone because life can have you on a high, then drop you on your head! And if you fall, the people below will always be there to catch you. But if you get so high and you forget the people beneath you, you will fall and hit concrete! You can only go as high as your support system. So teaching my kids to be humble was always at the forefront of my wishes.

At my dinner, when everyone had a chance to make a toast, and each person made a comment on my life, that’s when you can see your life and God truly gives you a flashback of what you’ve been through and not even realize it. When I hear people say I’ve been their motivation, and their support, it means so much! When my friends say I’ve never let them down, and they inspire to be like me, only makes me a better person. To see my kids so passionate and emotional when talking about their Mother.. Is nothing less than amazing.

So what I realize is for all I’ve been through, I have an amazing life. Not because of what I have, but because of who I have in it. I love the people in my life. If I didn’t have any money, or material things, I know I’d still be happy! Because nothing can mean more to you than having your family and friends surrounding you with love and respect. I know I have changed some lives, and so many people have changed mine. Only for the better.

I know I’m all over the place today, but basically I’m saying.. I thank God for blessing me. I thank God for my children, and my family. I thank God for blessing everyone to go with me to Jamaica, and continue to bless them with His rewards of life. We laughed, we cried, and we bonded in ways unbelievable. We saw God’s beauty, and we appreciated every drop of rain, every ray of sunshine, and every wave of the ocean. As long as I am a daughter of God, I will always give of myself unselfishly, because God will take care of you when you think you have nothing.

Well I’m back y’all, and I’ll be keeping it as real as I can!!

Love & Kisses
The Real Mommie Teresa

When You Get A Call Back From An Abnormal Mammogram…..my experience

05 Wednesday Mar 2014

Posted by Teresa in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, bad day, bad news, Breast cancer, cancer, cancer survivor, death, faith, God, good news, Health, life, life lessons, lump in breast, mammogram, Radiologist, relief, stress, Susan G Komen, the cure, ultrasound

I always have life lessons that I love to share, and today it’s about that call back because of my mammogram. When you have your annual mammogram, you always think, because you did your own exams, that everything is fine. You never think that the doctor office will call you back for more testing. Well I got that call. So their words were, “Ms. Crawford, we need you to come back in to meet with the radiologist and the doctor about your mammogram.” So you know it throws you for a loop because there are NO positive thoughts coming to your mind, and no they won’t answer any questions over the phone. Yes I can come tomorrow, (which was today). So after you get that call, how do you go on with your day! I’m at work, already having a mediocre day, and now I have to deal with this? Stress level on 99!!. So I try to block the negative thoughts, but then you start thinking crazy thoughts like, is my will updated, how will I tell the kids, will they have to remove my breast, who in the family had this, is my hair gonna fall out? Man, the questions are rolling through my mind. Then when I finally get home, I do the Hanna (from the Haves and Have Nots). PRAY! I was feeling like, I just dodged that bullet of gall bladder surgery, now I gotta go through this breast problem? After my conversation with God, I was like, Lord, whatever your will be done, I’ll love you anyway? I just pray this is nothing.

So I get up and still feeling anxious, and glad its my day off, so I go to the gym to just relieve some of the anxiety. Then I get ready to go in. I get to the Breast Clinic and go back this time for an ultrasound. So she says, we’re only looking at the right breast. So she said, I’ll leave while you undress. I was like, no mam, I can take this top off in like 2 seconds, so you can stay and get this thing started, you’ll be looking at the breast anyway! Lol.. So she stayed and put that gel on the breast. She said the problem is right here below the nipple, so we’re gonna focus on that. Now y’all know we don’t know what we looking at on at ultrasound, but I swear I saw faces, bruises, dark clouds and everything else that looked abnormal. I told her, honey educate me and tell me what it is we are looking at and for? So she showed me the blood vessels, and she said this spot here looks abnormal. So me being “direct”, asking abnormal meaning cancer, blood clot, what? Cause I need to know like now. She says the doctor will come in and go over everything. Then she asked if I was cold? Honey I’m so hot I’m bout to fall out! She did a really good job of calming me down by talking about something else. Props to her with that!

So finally in comes the doctor. He turns the machine back on and then he ask me if I felt that knot in my breast. NO! I check regular and I never felt one. So he let me feel what he was feeling. I’m like that has been like that, and it’s not a hard knot, it feels more like a soft tissue. So he said it may be scar tissue damage, but we need to do another different mammogram. So I go back in to the mammogram machine. The nurse did the mammogram, and I’m still nervous, but after she finished, she and I was friends by now and she let me look at the picture. She showed me the knot that she saw. I just bluntly asked, do you think it’s cancer? She said… Well, this is wide, and cancer is normally narrow, she also said, the edges are smooth, and cancer edges are normally jagged. So she said if she had to say from her experience, she’d say no. So one monkey fell off my back, the other one was waiting for the doctor. So when the doctor came in, he said he thinks it’s scar tissue that has calcified, which means clumped together and it appears to be ok. Whew, the other monkey fell off then!! He says he wouldn’t recommend a biopsy right now cause he feels it would be benign. But he does want me to get another mammogram in 6 months to make sure it’s ok! Whew!! Tears of joy, and thanks to GOD again!

Then after I left I realized I’ve really been being tested by GOD lately. I had the flu in Jan, gallbladder in Feb and now this, but everything came out fine. I feel sometimes like my Faith is being tested, and God is preparing me for something, but GOD I believe in you and I know even though we may not agree with everything YOU do, YOU are the one person that holds my life in YOUR hands, and regardless of what I go thru, I’ll love YOU anyway.

With that experience, I think about the many women who don’t get good news. The women who hear, “you have cancer”! The thoughts that go through your mind of not knowing what will happen will devastate you. I think the fact that I believe in God, and have faith, I was truly prepared for any outcome. I just pray more for the women who endure this disease that affects so many of us. I never thought I would get a call for abnormal results, but I did. So ladies, please get your mammograms. This is so important. And if you are going through this, you will forever be in my prayers. I’ve done breast cancer walks, but I think this makes me a lot more intuned to the feelings of anxiety women go thru.

Thanks for being a part of my life experiences and if it helps ONE person, I did my job!

Love & Hugs,
The “Real” Mommie Teresa

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