Tag Archives: death

Embracing Positivity After Loss: My Journey

30 Sunday Nov 2025

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So it’s been a while since I’ve had something positive to say! Like my Bigma said, “If you ain’t got nothing good to say, don’t say nothing at all!” I went with the “don’t say nothing at all part”. Why? There was so much grief in my life. As soon as I thought I was back to me, another loss happened. That last one took some of my soul away! Why? It wasn’t just the loss. It was everything that came with it. I had to recover, readjust, realign, and release all those things! I’ve done all of that. Now I can remember who I am. I know whose I am and understand the purpose GOD has for my life. It’s not about dwelling on the negative. It’s about promoting and embracing the positives. This will make me better and everyone linked to me. So I’m back for the better!

I spent the Thanksgiving holiday with my middle son, Tyrell, his wife, Lanie, and my grandbabies, Charlie and Alex. My other Grandbaby, Halana, also came over, and she even cooked some of the food! That’s growing up! Ty was my sous chef, and he learned some of the recipes that were handed down through the generations. Christina was in NJ with her new Fiancé! Oh yeah, a lot has happened since I’ve been gone. She met the love of her life, and he put that ring on it. LOL I’ll write about it soon. RC was working as usual and didn’t make it. But that’s another story for later. What was important was that I was THANKFUL! I was truly happy spending almost 6 days at the house with the grands, and I didn’t even leave! Enjoying genuine love from the seeds that I created. Waking up every morning to Grandmaaaaaa was heart-warming, and I loved every minute of it. There were so many tasks on my list. I needed to do them, but they didn’t get done. I know I’ll be very busy once I’m back in Florida, trying to get caught up!

This is what brought me back to myself! GOD put us here for a reason. We never know what our purpose is, and if we do discover it, that’s a blessing. I’m still not sure about mine. All I know is that I love my kids, my grandkids, and life, and all that it has to offer. Many people I had to cut off in life. They weren’t making life better. Instead, they caused grief and pain. Once you reach a certain age, your circle gets so small that you can count it on one hand. In my life, I have done so much for so many people and never gotten anything in return. Not that I was ever looking for something, but respect, and they don’t even give you that. But I gladly cut off my losses. When someone looks back and sees all the things I’ve done, it feels good. It validates my effort to make their life better. It shows that I did ok. But when I can’t see a thing they provided to my life, it’s a sign. It’s time to move on without them. (Take that as a lesson) It’s okay to walk away from what or who doesn’t deserve you in their life. God will replace them so fast, you won’t even miss them!

This week has shown me an important lesson. Life is to be lived with the most important people in your life. It is to be shared with them too. As I age gracefully, I have no intentions of dealing with anything or anyone that brings stress to my life. Being over 60 means every morning, your cup is full. You drink it till it’s empty. Then you fill it up again tomorrow because you may not have as many tomorrows as you had yesterday! So I fill my cup with love and laughter. It overflows with happiness. I fill it with the people who make my day better than it was yesterday. I’m back to me, and with more of me, I can give more to you! So look for me to spread all this love I still have to the ones that deserve it! Let me enjoy this holiday season with all this love I have to share!

The “Real Mommie Teresa”

And Life Goes On..Without Daddy

25 Tuesday Sep 2018

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IMG_0273It’s been a minute since I’ve blogged and a lot of changes have happened in my life.  So many that it’ll take lots of blogs to blog about!! LOL.. Well the most significant change in my life was the loss of my Father.  As you all that follow me know, my Daddy was sick for quite a few years.  He was diabetic, on dialysis, and had congestive heart failure which ultimately lead to his transition on Nov. 3rd of 2017.  That day was one of the most confusing days of my life.  You know we always think we are “prepared” for death, especially when someone is sick, and they have told you that they are ready to go.  Well it’s easier said than done.  I haven’t shared this story, but as a part of my healing, I have to let go of a few things…

That day.. I had been with Daddy at the hospital all week, sleeping on the couch and he was acting out, “as he did” with the nurses. But he was in a different space this time.  He went back to his younger days.  He flirted, he talked junk, he even tried to dance a few times.  And while they call me the “Paparazzi” I was capturing ALL those moments on video, not knowing they would be the last moments of laughter.  Well Daddy ended up getting an infection and I had to sleep in the gown and mask, and all the covering, for his protection.  I did it for one night, and woke up looking like I could peel it off from sweating like crazy in it!! Well the next day, Daddy told me to go to my Son’s house and sleep, and just come back that morning instead of sleeping in that gown.  Crazy how he asked me to leave after I had been there like 5 nights.. Well I left and we got that call about 4am, saying he had went into cardiac arrest during the night, and he was now in ICU and we needed to get there.

Well we got there.. Me, my sister, and the immediate family.  There Doctors words.. I’ll never forget.. “We have 413 patients in this hospital and Mr. Crawford is the sickest one here.  He needs surgery on his heart to survive, but because of all his other chronic health problems, he may not survive the surgery.  You all need to make a decision asap, like before I leave the room whether we do surgery, or we just keep him comfortable.”  And just like that, we had to let go of the man who had taken care of us for all of our lives. We had to keep comfortable the man who raised 4 children after our Mom died and  did what he “knew” how to do.  As a Widowed Dad, he had his challenges, but he did all he knew to do, to make sure we had what we needed.  Then you have these words, keep him comfortable, which means, give him meds and let him die without pain. (in real talk).

That hit us like a ton of bricks in our chest.  We already knew what Daddy told us, and the decision was pretty much already known, but just speaking it was like casting a death sentence we didn’t want to do.  But we had to do it.  Then I spent time with Daddy and let him know we mad the decision.  He wasn’t coherent, but I know he heard me. I had that long talk with him and said my Goodbye before we did anything,  We all had our time with him to say what we needed to say.

Then came the moment… that moment when we all gathered together before they started shutting off the machines.  I told him, how proud we were of him, and how he had been a great Dad, and had raised amazing children, and how much we loved him.  I told him that we would be ok.  All of a sudden, the machines started beeping and making sounds and going crazy!!! I thought the nurses had turned them off, but they said they hadn’t touched the machines.  They said he could hear me and he was releasing his life and that’s what was happening.  Well after we all said our final goodbyes, the Chaplain asked if he could say a prayer, and he said the 23rd Psalm.  I put my hand on Daddy’s heart, and the Chaplain put his hand over my hand. The Chaplain said the 23rd Psalm, and when he finished, I said, may GOD bless your soul Daddy.  Then the nurse walked in immediately and said, his heart just stopped.  And just like that.. HE- WAS- GONE.IMG_0268

The look of peace was on his face, and the breathing machine was still on, so it seemed as if he was still breathing.  He wasn’t cold, but he was peaceful.  He had been so sick and now it was all over.  As I write this and the tears roll, I know that he’s saying it’s ok, because I was tired.  He did what he was sent here to do, and his job was over.

Life is a job.  GOD puts us here for a purpose, and once we fulfill the purpose HE has for us, then HE brings us back to HIM.  No death is easy on who you leave behind, but it’s the ultimate trip for the one who’s leaving.  The way to even feel better is to think of the life they are now living pain-free with the ancestors, who are watching over you, and waiting for you to complete your task and join them.

Welcome back to “my blogs” and thanks for being a part of the “The Real Mommie Teresa”.  There’s so much more to come and so much I have to share. Please stay tuned, and I love you all with all that’s in me, like a real Mommie..

Love and Hugs,

The Real Mommie Teresa

“I Can’t Breathe”

25 Sunday Sep 2016

Posted by in Babies, Death, Faith, Fathers, Happy, Life, mothers, Mothers, Uncategorized, Uplifting

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As I sat on the couch and watched my Dad in the hospital, with the oxygen in his nose, he would take these deep breaths, then he would pause before he would breath again. I would sit there and watch him, just to make sure he could breath. As I watched him, and I watched tv with all the protests in Charlotte, all I could think about was the phrase, “I can’t breath”. When it weights this heavy on my mind, I have to write.

“I can’t breathe”.. The 1st time was when my Dad told me my Mom died. I remember taking that deep breath in, and not letting one out…

“I can’t breath”… When I saw my Mom in the coffin and the glass covering her whole body..

“I can’t breathe”… When my Grandmother was dying with cancer and on her way to the hospital she said, this was going to be her last trip to the hospital because she knew she’d never come home again.

“I can’t breathe”.. When I found out RC had died in surgery from a car accident and my 1st born child would never get to see his father.

“I can’t breathe”.. When Jr. didn’t wake up and Nita told me to get home as soon as I can because my Brother had died.

You get my point? I can breathe never ends up with something good. Then I think about when a parent has to see their child gunned down in the streets. Not by a police, but by ANYONE!! I think about the wives who witness the murder of their husbands, I think about the men who are only trying to protect their families, or the women who are trying to protect their families. When you can’t breath, your chest hurts, your eyes fill with water, and you don’t know whether to run or be still, but it all hurts!

I can’t breath when I think about the injustice of society. I can’t breath when I think about how we’ve worked so hard to get to where we can all get along and “society” can rip us apart like paper. I can’t breath when we as MOMS have to bury our children too soon for nothing. I can’t breathe when I see racist hate because of the color of someone’s skin!  Not breathing hurts.!! The only cure for not breathing, is breathing! I pray for everyone to be able to breathe. Not breathing is a natural part of life that was made to take your breath away and it already hurts, but the unnecessary “I can’t breathe” has to stop. And once I finished writing this blog, my updated iWatch said “BREATHE’! So it’s also taking 1 minute for you to just take time from you day to breathe. How ironic. Look at your life, look at the people in your life. Look at who’s worth your breath, and those are the people that you fight for! Don’t settle for the injustice.  We’ve come to far to turn back now.  Breathe!

Love and Hugs,

The Real Mommie Teresa

 

 

 

When You Get A Call Back From An Abnormal Mammogram…..my experience

05 Wednesday Mar 2014

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I always have life lessons that I love to share, and today it’s about that call back because of my mammogram. When you have your annual mammogram, you always think, because you did your own exams, that everything is fine. You never think that the doctor office will call you back for more testing. Well I got that call. So their words were, “Ms. Crawford, we need you to come back in to meet with the radiologist and the doctor about your mammogram.” So you know it throws you for a loop because there are NO positive thoughts coming to your mind, and no they won’t answer any questions over the phone. Yes I can come tomorrow, (which was today). So after you get that call, how do you go on with your day! I’m at work, already having a mediocre day, and now I have to deal with this? Stress level on 99!!. So I try to block the negative thoughts, but then you start thinking crazy thoughts like, is my will updated, how will I tell the kids, will they have to remove my breast, who in the family had this, is my hair gonna fall out? Man, the questions are rolling through my mind. Then when I finally get home, I do the Hanna (from the Haves and Have Nots). PRAY! I was feeling like, I just dodged that bullet of gall bladder surgery, now I gotta go through this breast problem? After my conversation with God, I was like, Lord, whatever your will be done, I’ll love you anyway? I just pray this is nothing.

So I get up and still feeling anxious, and glad its my day off, so I go to the gym to just relieve some of the anxiety. Then I get ready to go in. I get to the Breast Clinic and go back this time for an ultrasound. So she says, we’re only looking at the right breast. So she said, I’ll leave while you undress. I was like, no mam, I can take this top off in like 2 seconds, so you can stay and get this thing started, you’ll be looking at the breast anyway! Lol.. So she stayed and put that gel on the breast. She said the problem is right here below the nipple, so we’re gonna focus on that. Now y’all know we don’t know what we looking at on at ultrasound, but I swear I saw faces, bruises, dark clouds and everything else that looked abnormal. I told her, honey educate me and tell me what it is we are looking at and for? So she showed me the blood vessels, and she said this spot here looks abnormal. So me being “direct”, asking abnormal meaning cancer, blood clot, what? Cause I need to know like now. She says the doctor will come in and go over everything. Then she asked if I was cold? Honey I’m so hot I’m bout to fall out! She did a really good job of calming me down by talking about something else. Props to her with that!

So finally in comes the doctor. He turns the machine back on and then he ask me if I felt that knot in my breast. NO! I check regular and I never felt one. So he let me feel what he was feeling. I’m like that has been like that, and it’s not a hard knot, it feels more like a soft tissue. So he said it may be scar tissue damage, but we need to do another different mammogram. So I go back in to the mammogram machine. The nurse did the mammogram, and I’m still nervous, but after she finished, she and I was friends by now and she let me look at the picture. She showed me the knot that she saw. I just bluntly asked, do you think it’s cancer? She said… Well, this is wide, and cancer is normally narrow, she also said, the edges are smooth, and cancer edges are normally jagged. So she said if she had to say from her experience, she’d say no. So one monkey fell off my back, the other one was waiting for the doctor. So when the doctor came in, he said he thinks it’s scar tissue that has calcified, which means clumped together and it appears to be ok. Whew, the other monkey fell off then!! He says he wouldn’t recommend a biopsy right now cause he feels it would be benign. But he does want me to get another mammogram in 6 months to make sure it’s ok! Whew!! Tears of joy, and thanks to GOD again!

Then after I left I realized I’ve really been being tested by GOD lately. I had the flu in Jan, gallbladder in Feb and now this, but everything came out fine. I feel sometimes like my Faith is being tested, and God is preparing me for something, but GOD I believe in you and I know even though we may not agree with everything YOU do, YOU are the one person that holds my life in YOUR hands, and regardless of what I go thru, I’ll love YOU anyway.

With that experience, I think about the many women who don’t get good news. The women who hear, “you have cancer”! The thoughts that go through your mind of not knowing what will happen will devastate you. I think the fact that I believe in God, and have faith, I was truly prepared for any outcome. I just pray more for the women who endure this disease that affects so many of us. I never thought I would get a call for abnormal results, but I did. So ladies, please get your mammograms. This is so important. And if you are going through this, you will forever be in my prayers. I’ve done breast cancer walks, but I think this makes me a lot more intuned to the feelings of anxiety women go thru.

Thanks for being a part of my life experiences and if it helps ONE person, I did my job!

Love & Hugs,
The “Real” Mommie Teresa

Weather The Storm Today

21 Friday Feb 2014

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I seem to always talk about storms of life. I guess because I’ve been through so many of them, I am a true testimony. Webster says the definition of storm is: a disturbance of the atmosphere. Now think about that. When you have a disturbance in your life, here comes the storm. Let’s say there is a financial crisis. You have no money..storm, You lose your job..storm.. You lose a family member.. storm, you lose your husband/wife/child..storm, you lose you car..storm. I’m sure you get the point. The only time there isn’t a storm, is if you lose your life! So that means that through EVERY storm, there is a blue sky. What’s worse than going through a storm, is not surviving a storm. If you don’t survive the storm, then your storms are over!

To break all this down, God puts us through turmoil in our lives to make us stronger. Just like he makes it rain, to clean up the world, make the grass greener, and a host of other things. Without rain, just think how the the world will be. The same reason we have storms in our life.. to clean us up. To take us through a cleansing so we can be a little bit better. Just think.. every storm you go through, makes you a little bit stronger. I thank God every day for storms of life. It’s not the storms that I appreciate, it’s the calmness after the storm.

Think about your storms. If you write them down, then look at where you are now compared to where you were then, you’d realize how that storm actually saved you. Life is not complicated. Sometimes we wonder too much on what shoulda, coulda, woulda been, when in reality, everything that ever happened to you was pre-destined. It was supposed to happen. You were supposed to go through what you went through to get to where you are today.

This morning before I woke, I heard the birds chirping loud! I guess they were telling me to get ready and beat that storm! lol

So today in the midst of this storm, Thank God for being able to see you through it. In a few hours, the sun will be so bright and so will your life. Just weather this storm, and the sun will also shine on you!
Have an awesome and blessed day!
Hug and Kisses
The “Real” Mommie Teresa

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Life in a Vase~ A Nelson Mandela Conversation

05 Thursday Dec 2013

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I had the pleasure to meet Christopher Gardner, who you may know as the man who Will Smith played in the movie Pursuit of Happyness.  I had about 2 hours of, one on one time to spend with Chris in Charlotte.  It was the best 2 hours I could have spent with anyone! Chris knew Nelson Mandela personally, and he was a topic of our conversation.  This is what we talked about:

Chris said that if his house ever caught on fire, there was only one thing that he wanted to be saved.  I tried to guess what, but I was nowhere near a correct guess.  Chris said the only thing he valued was a glass vase with dirt in it?  So y’all know I’m looking at him like, dirt Chris?  He said, not just dirt, dirt from the back yard of Nelson Mandela’s house.  So I’m still wondering why dirt from Mandela’s house would be important.  And Chris is a real funny and very intelligent man.  So he asked,  you’re curious right?  And I was!

Chris said, when the Mandela’s were fighting apartheid, people were constantly watching them. They had their house bugged, and people were constantly trying to hear what was going on inside the house.  Winnie had to be strong, be careful what she said, and who she talked to.  She couldn’t really talk about anything in the house for fear of being recorded.  They had to be strong in the house and be brave.  But when they went in the back yard, that is where they cried, that’s where they shared their secrets with each other. That is where they prayed and talk to the most honorable on high. That is where they were FREE! 

So in that container, what looks like dirt, is life!  The life of the Mandelas; The tears they cried for apartheid and freedom and for all the people of Africa. The tears Winnie cried when Mandela was incarcerated, and the blood she shed in her life.  The screams of being alone, but still remain strong for her country and her husband when he had a life sentence in prison.  The tears she cried to God, begging for strength to survive.  A vase that contained history and life is what he had.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Nelson Mandela, but I felt closer to him by meeting Chris Gardner.  And I now understand why he said, if his house burned down, that’s the only thing he would want to save.  Life in a vase!

“People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” “People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” Quoted by Nelson Mandela

R.I.P. Nelson Mandela, and thank you for freedom of speech, your strength to fight, and your loyalty to the world!

Hugs and Love,

The “Real” Mommie Teresa