This is a question that ALL of us ask ourselves over and over again. Well I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve been through a couple of things and I survived! We all want love, and just because I use “him” a lot, this also refers to “her” if it’s the other way around. So don’t think I’m biased!
We meet “the one”! Cute, nice body, funny, and has everything that we want. The relationship starts off at 100 mph!! We doing everything and anything within the first month. And before we know it, we in love! Only known him a month and he’s everything you think he should be! It’s still new, and it’s still good. So 60 days; The calls slack up a little, he’s not accountable for a few times, but you just say, oh, he’s busy working or with his friends. There are a few disagreements, but he fixes them real fast! You’re still Honey, Sweetie, Baby, Boo, to him. So 90 days arrive, and now that you all have had 3 months to get to know each other, and you can see who you really have. 90 days really shows you the person you have fallen in love with. After 90 days, once you’ve given all of you to him, you realize, he’s really not who he was when you met him. Well guess what? That’s who he is! And after 90 days when all that fun and the new adventure, and romance is over, he doesn’t have to work so hard to impress you and make you feel like the Queen you were the 1st 30 days. (Now this is not always true, sometimes you will find a person who is truly genuine.)
So after 90 days, you are in a relationship. You still are getting to know the person you fell so hard for, and deep in your heart, you just know it will work! But that intuition is telling you different. You’re thinking, it’ll get better and you’re thinking you can “fix” him. Breaking News!!! You can’t fix someone that doesn’t think their broken? What do I mean? Well can’t fix a person when they don’t feel like there isn’t anything wrong with them. This is who they are, and you have to decide if you can adjust to who they are, and learn to love that person, or you decide, I can do better for me? But the problem is, you’re in love. And your heart is telling you to stay, work it out, you can make it work, you can make him love you, yall have great “chemistry”! But that 7th sense that God gave you is telling you everyday.. walk away, it’s not going to work, you can’t change him, you can do better. And what do we normally follow? Yes..the heart! Now you look around and it’s 1-2 -5 years in, and you’ve just settled and adapted to his ways. You’ve been hurt so many time, but he comes back with “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “I’m going to do better”, “I didn’t mean it”, and you fall for it every time! You catch him in lies, you catch him cheating, and you still stay! Why? Because we’re in love! We know that it will work.
All your friends see what’s happening and try to tell you about it. Then you get mad at them, because “it isn’t their business”! LOL.. (flashback) So what do you do now, stop telling your friends your problems because you don’t want to be judged. But your man, is still doing whatever he wants, and you still, ‘’in love”. You’ve accepted his lies, been disrespected by him, been cheated on, and tried to be there for him through all of his mishaps, when he is never there for you and yours.
But one day, that 7th sense comes back, and it comes back with a vengeance!!! It slaps you backwards and tells you, “FOOL..WAKE UP!!” Now that’s all you need! Once you get that slap, and you’ve had enough, you know what you have to do. But the heart is still saying…no, no, no!! I’ll break if you leave him! But you have to do what’s going to heal that heart! And you leave!
Now that he’s gone, you are miserable! You miss him, you need him. You want to talk to him, hear his voice, hear him say how he loves you! Your heart is aching and you don’t know how to mend it. Well here’s a little secret. A few things you HAVE to do!
MOVE ON!!! Yes it’s going to hurt but it will heal. When it hurts the most, think of how he hurt you the most, it won’t hurt as bad.
DELETE/ERASE- Get rid of the memories if you know it’s not good for you. Delete those pics from your phone, all those lovely text massages (that were BS anyway), delete his phone numbers from your phone. Deleting a person, really makes them go away. Now they’ll come back several times, but you have to want to move on! And a man will beg! They are not too proud to realize that you finally had enough! (and I think they share some kind of manual, because all the beg lies seem to be the same!)
HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS-Don’t be sitting around gloating and being depressed. Dress up, go out, get cute, and have fun! It doesn’t matter if you feel like crap.. don’t sulk in sorrow! If he sees you like that, then he’ll know how desperate you are for him to come back! So be better than you were with him! Make him hate himself for everything he did to you!
DATE/ Go out on dates! Don’t go looking for love, don’t go talking about how bad he hurt you, or how you’re damaged. Just go out and have fun. Laugh a lot, and do fun things! It will help!
AND LOVE YOU- Write down all of your strong traits and what you had to offer him. Then write down what he did to you and what he did for you. Once you can see that in writing, you’ll realize, you ain’t missing a thing!
Once you heal that small, teenie, tiny, hole in your heart, you’ll realize what NOT to look for in the next one! The heart can withstand all types of trauma. Losing a loved one who you will never see in life again, and it heals. So if he doesn’t care about breaking your heart, he doesn’t care about you. Love you first, and your heart will always mend.
AS ALWAYS,
Hugs & Love
The “REAL” Mommie Teresa
The Real Mommie Teresa 